t h e i n t i m a t e s t r a n g e r

Day 5 – Mask

without comments

A couple of times this evening, I almost cried when she asked why it was that I related unhappy memories with a smile. (I didn’t realise that actually.) She highlighted the incongruity and said I was too used to brushing things off and not stating my opinion, that I say “I’m fine” when I’m not.

I shrugged and told her that’s probably because I related my memories with the benefit of hindsight and because they happened so long ago – so long ago that I thought they ought not to matter anymore.

Guess not….

And I suppose I was just too tired to cry.

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Day 5 went relatively well – ‘well’ because I accomplished little but had only a few minor episodes of anxiety; ‘relatively’ because I was in a significantly different space over the weekend and had expended a lot of energy just keeping it together.

Maybe it’s just me blowing things out of proportion. Maybe getting lots of sleep helps. Maybe I just need to drain myself with multiple panic attacks.

I wonder what Day 6 would be like – I’m like a mood yo-yo these days.

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The most interesting discovery this evening, being the first of The Sessions, is that my issue – or rather my mother’s – with my jaw might be related to my communication problems.

Hmmm…..

PS:

I don’t blame my parents for who I am. But I do want to understand why I am the way I am. And then I need to work on me.

Written by The Intimate Stranger

October 18th, 2010 at 11:43 pm

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