t h e i n t i m a t e s t r a n g e r

Archive for January, 2011

I am woman, hear me R.A.W.R.

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Of all the roles I listed, I realised they have in common my relationship with another person. But there is none in a ‘standalone’ role that is defined by my mere existence and not given purpose only in relation to another – that there is meaning to my existence simply because I exist.

Think about that, SB said with a knowing smile, one she is wont to give during our sessions whenever I am on the brink of yet another mini discovery about myself.

I now understand that strange observation R made when we met over dinner just before Christmas, and the strange scrutiny I found myself under a few months ago.

“It is only when someone gets to know you better, that they can see the ‘woman’ – the femininity – in you.”

No more denials.

No more hiding.


In other news, I’m back to my old ‘normal’ self….

Written by The Intimate Stranger

January 30th, 2011 at 2:42 am

Posted in who am i

Just do it

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The purpose of strategy is to enable you to act, convince yourself that you’re figured it out and you’re going to move. Is it the right way or not? Absolutely not. It’s not going to be the right answer. There’s no way that that is the case. But it doesn’t matter because you have to start acting….

I love this quote by the former CEO of Southwest Airlines, Herb Kelleher:

“We’ve got a strategic plan – it’s called doing things!”

- Frans Johansson

Written by The Intimate Stranger

January 10th, 2011 at 12:37 pm

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Positive Programming

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“It’s very difficult to stop thinking of something if you try to stop thinking of it. For example, right now I want you to stop thinking of purple bananas. Come on, try harder. Stop of thinking of purple bananas! No more purple bananas! By now, your mind is probably full of thoughts and images of purple bananas….

How many times have you said to yourself, “I’m not going to do (fill in an unwanted behavior) anymore.” How successful were you at changing your behavior by talking to yourself that way? Probably not very successful. There is a school of thoughts that says the right brain doesn’t hear negatives. If that is so, what are you actually hearing when you say, “I’m not going to yell at my kids.”? Your left brain hears that exact phrase, but your right brain hears, “I’m going to yell at my kids.” That sets up an internal conflict, which intensifies your struggle with the behavior you want to change….

You can begin working on consciously changing your thought patterns. You can construct positive thoughts that reinforce the new, positive beliefs you’re choosing. When you’re constructing these positive thoughts, avoid negative words like “don’t”, “not” and “never”. The problem with these words is that they are always in sentences that reinforce the negative. For example, “I am safe and secure” works much better than “I am not afraid.” The phrase “I am not afraid” reinforces being afraid.

The positive sentences you create for yourself will reflect the kind of life you would like to be experiencing. By creating them, you’re creating an image of that life. Once you have them in mind, whenever habitual negative thoughts arise — and they will, it’s how the brain functions — you can replace them with positive expressions of who you are and the life you want to have. Do that often enough and you’ll find the old habitual thoughts dissolving and new, positive thoughts taking their place.”

- The Secret Language of Feelings, Calvin D Banyan

Written by The Intimate Stranger

January 9th, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Posted in uncategorised

Our deepest fear

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Marianne Williamson


I don’t know if it was the words that caused the sudden upwelling of sadness, catching me unawares. Or was it that I was already teetering on the edge? The truth is, I barely registered the words as I read them aloud. (Or were they already, at mere glance, resonating with me at a subconscious level….???)


Déjà vu.

I remember the few lines, which came to me sometime in the last one year or so, and a very important realisation at the core of my being that things were changing in a significant way.

Somehow, I forgot about it along the way.

I forget a lot of things.

And then I lose my bearings and I fall off my path.

I do that a lot.

Written by The Intimate Stranger

January 7th, 2011 at 12:54 am

Posted in who am i

Happy New Year!

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“May your coming year be filled with magic and

dreams and

good madness. I hope

you read some fine books

and kiss someone who thinks you’re


and don’t forget to make some

art — write or draw or build or sing or

live as only you can.

And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you

surprise yourself.”

- Neil Gaiman

Written by The Intimate Stranger

January 1st, 2011 at 12:00 am

Posted in words