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The Light

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I strode purposefully into her office, with a spring in my steps, feeling light-hearted and good about myself — as I have the last few sessions.

“So what do you want to do today?”

“Oh…. I don’t know.”

We carried on some small talk and S repeated her question.

“I really don’t know….” I shrugged and smiled, feeling pleased with myself.

But I did know.

I had noted the changes during our last two sessions, and how we had moved from healing to celebrating the progress I had made in counselling. I had also begun to run out of problems to talk about, or rather, the urge to talk about my problems had greatly diminished. Still, I cried at every session (I’ve just been crying a lot recently, about everything and everyone) — more from the mere surge of emotions than just sadness, really. I even cry when I’m happy. Go figure!

But the fact is, whereas for several weeks, I endured 90% downtime and I lived only to savour the occasional highs that always ended too soon, I’m now experiencing a reversal with good moments that are sustainable and only 10% downtime. And during the latter moments, I didn’t run or tried to talk myself out of them. Instead, I stayed with the negative emotions, acknowledged them and let them have their obligatory lap around my system — until they got tired and simply faded.

“Coaching: A process where a person is encouraged and guided to discover the gap between where they are and what they would like to achieve. The focus is on outcomes and solutions rather than problems.”

“I think I’m ready to move on to the next level and get coaching, especially since I might be working again very soon.”

S smiled.

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”


As the emotions welled up inside of me, and I started crying again, I finally realised what these tears of…. happiness, are.

The light at the end of the tunnel that I once feared I might never see — that I might be trapped in this prison of my own making forever

I am standing at the end of that tunnel now….

In The Light….

I am looking out….

And it is blue skies, fluffy clouds, and diamonds are raining upon a sapphire sea that goes on forever, and ever….

Just like in my wildest dreams.

Written by The Intimate Stranger

March 17th, 2011 at 3:50 am