t h e i n t i m a t e s t r a n g e r

The stakes have been raised – substantially. This changes things somewhat. The increment is beyond my expectations and has “I’m not going to call your bluff” written all over it.

They know, somehow.

In a way, the delay was a blessing. But that makes my situation trickier now.

Still, as a stranger put it: “More importantly, is the change just a short term illusion?”

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I was the one who delivered the final blow. But the truth is, the writing has been on the wall for some time. This time however, it has struck too close too ‘home’, and The Others had to make the call.

And so they did.

AMF!!!

Tan Jia Cai Restaurant at Beijing Hotel, 25 Apr 2010

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Here’s a confession.

I check out the Ex-communicated once every few months, or longer, over Facebook. No, he’s not on my friends list. And no, neither he nor I have attempted to ‘add’ the other. I’ll’d be surprised if he did – him being who he is, or rather was; I really can’t speak for who he is, now.

I heard from J some time ago that he has a kid. J’s wife is a colleague of the Ex-communicated’s sister. I understand that they are quite close, or rather were; I really can’t say what the situation is, now.

The latest profile photo of the Ex-communicated has him holding up his young daughter. I really can’t tell how old. I don’t have children nor take much notice of them. The little girl is rather cute though, I’ll have to say. Meanwhile, the Ex-communicated has aged. We all grow older – and old – of course. I know that.

But the thing about all that is, change. Situations change, people change, lives change.

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My mother was never one of those – you know, the ones you hear about and raise your eyebrows or drop your jaw – who harassed her daughter to get a boyfriend and get married. I actually think my mother is simply torn between wanting all that and yet fretting her three daughters will get married to the wrong man. (Now, did that raise a few eyebrows? Laugh.)

So no, I never did have that sort of pressure from my mother. Neither did I have it from the mother who was not mine – because she was busy harassing her son to get another girlfriend and get married.

Yes, really.

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How far my path and your path had diverged.

It was strange looking at your future, so different from my now.

And I realised that it was because it was a future I never could see myself in while we were together.

Inside The Great Hall of the People, Beijing, 24 Apr 2010

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From Twittascope:

“Your ruling planet Mars is in your 5th House of Creativity, but its opposition to fuzzy Neptune can muddle your choices today. Take as much time as you need before making a decision because an impulsive judgment call could lead you down a dead-end path now, even if you think that you’re doing the right thing. It’s crucial to figure out the truth, for self-deception will only create trouble in your interactions with others.”

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So much for a relaxing weekend. Time to do some serious thinking and homework.

Interesting lattice work on a door, The Forbidden City, Beijing, 24 Apr 2010

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Those walls he kept talking about finally came down. And I was surprised at his…. honesty – with himself. It’s about time, I should think.

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I hadn’t guessed at the extent of The Other’s skeletons. But come to think of it, it’s not something I find hard to believe. Perhaps, that was what drew me to him so many years ago – that something in him that I can’t quite put my finger on.

And, perhaps too, him to me? Hmmm.

Woody and Buzz Lightyear, characters from Pixar’s first CGI-animated film – Toy Story (1995)

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I must confess I’m not a big fan of animated films. I’ve always thought of them as ‘kiddy films’. And, where cinemas were screening ‘kiddy films’, there would be hordes of screaming kids, kids kicking me in the leg or the back of my seat, kids trying to get their parents’ attention during the movie, kids crying somewhere in the cinema…. well, you get the drift.

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Sullivan and Mike from Monsters Inc (2001) – one of my favourites

Cars (2006)

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But, film-making technology has made amazing headway in the past several years, and the story-telling, leveraging on this new technology, has also become much more sophisticated. Whether the characters are inanimate objects like toys and cars, inarticulate animals or mere figments of our imagination, they all take on a believable life of their own and while they’re at it, charm our socks right off – even, gasp, rats. Grin.

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Ratatouille (2007) – Another favourite; I have a soft spot for rats :-)

Finding Nemo (2003)

The Incredibles (2004)

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I don’t suppose I’ll be catching many more animated films than before, advances in technology and better story-telling notwithstanding. But you can always count me in for a good story or a good laugh, and if a film, animated or otherwise has that, I’m in :-)

And oh, I’ll make do with an animated version of Robert Pattinson anytime too :-)~~~~ I’ll even forgive the hordes of screaming females, females kicking me in the leg or the back of my seat (in excitement), females screaming everywhere in the cinema. Laugh.

PS:

Thank you BAND very much for the kind invitation to the Pixar Exhibition :-D Though you might want to remind enthusiastic exhibition minders to go easy on bloggers who do have their media passes. I know they’re just doing their job. But guess what, so am I ;-) (albeit UNPAID work).

10 Feb 2010, Sunset at Cape Irizaki, Yonaguni, Japan

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In between resisting the increasingly irresistible urge to compile a list of photos you would send a prospective employer if you aspired to be

[1] a court jester OR

[2] a Jeffrey Chung ‘model’ (quotation marks intended) OR

[3] NOT called for an interview;

and wondering if literacy had become passé for aspiring marketing and corporate communications wannabes who insist on applying for a non-marketing and non-communications position; I found myself counselling one of my managers (who by the way, has more years on me, in years and work experience) on managing a much bigger team – what she should be doing, as opposed to what she insists on still doing; thinking long-term and thinking big, as opposed to it just being all about herself.

And I realised how everything was so clear to me, how easily I laid out the cards on the table, how I just knew.

This, this is me.

8 Feb 2010, Lighthouse at Cape Irizaki, Yonaguni, Japan

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The thing about heights? Just don’t look down. That’s how it is with me, anyway.

That’s also what most of my nightmares are made of – falling from a great height, while clinging to some very, VERY high AND shaky structure (sometimes a building, sometimes a tree, sometimes a pole of sorts – but always, they are horribly high and they are terribly shaky).

I still have these dreams, but not as often.

Strangely enough, I’m always tempted to jump whenever I look out the window of a high-rise building.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Once again – so much work, so little time.

I’ve to keep reminding myself to stay focused and prioritise or I’ll surely go into a full-blown panic attack. All the more pity because I know I CAN do this job, and do it well.

But it wouldn’t matter either way in more than a week’s time. Strange how the job lead came about. I thought it was a little bird that told. Or maybe the universe heard my rants, after an incident which made me reassess if I wanted to waste my newfound skills on less…. ‘worthy’ (???) pursuits.

Fingers crossed. (Not eyes, for sure.)

11 Feb 2010, Bollards at the town of Kubura, Yonaguni, Japan

Bollards.

It all depends on which side you’re on, really.

[ + ]

So, so tired. The work days are passing too fast. So much work, so little time.

I now spend a greater part of my day managing people and looking into work processes – this, on top of my usual work. Who knew management took up so much time? Maybe that’s why the Old Queen was always bogged down. Or not – too much active ‘managing’, as opposed to management. But that’s another story for another time when I’ve caught up with sleep and don’t resemble a bipedal panda. Sigh.

Gotta reassign some of my work – for good of course. And more importantly, fix and/or put in place processes where before, there was none, so that operations can go on with minimal involvement from me. Management is not about doing. It’s an art, really.

27 March 2010, Sentosa Dolphin Lagoon

I hugged a dolphin today.

Arms wrapped around its hard, sleek, rubbery body. Left cheek resting on the side of its body. Heart beating against the momentary stillness of this amazing creature that dances on water…

I was… home.

[ + ]

It’s funny how I’d been thinking the last few months about wanting to meet a dolphin at sea. Well, guess what? :-) (Albeit the part about the sea, but hey, it’s all water, yes?)

And yes, I have wonderful, WONDERFUL friends :-D