How shall I kill thee?
Let me count the ways....30 october 2008
"Yes please. Do it in stages," she intones.
"Or shall I sever his jugular," I continue.
"Castrate," the aspiring surgeon suggests.
Mayhaps I shall do all. And then some more.
The first specialist recommended an arthroscopy and removal of scar tissue. Something about preventing further wasting of the muscles in my left leg, which is now noticeably smaller than my right. Whimper. (Or as SF put it, maybe it's just that I'm depending so much on my better leg, it's gotten bigger. Ha. Ha. Sob.) He didn't think the ankle would get any better - it's been 7 weeks already. But the procedure would cost $5,000. (!!!!!!!!)
So a second opinion was sought - which was that surgery isn't necessary, in spite of the 7 weeks that have passed and the fact that while I can walk now, running and jumping are not possible. The swelling is localised and the orthopod doesn't think there's any scarring to the tissue or joint - which would have to be confirmed with a MRI in any case and he doesn't think it's necessary at this point in time. Therefore, surgery isn't going to be helpful. Plus it's apparently not that uncommon for sprains to take so long to heal. Okayyyyy. So the recommendation is to wait and see if things get better in another 3 weeks; let the ankle heal on its own and do some strengthening exercises in the meantime. It would take about 3 to 4 months for the ligament to recover fully.
The not-so-good news is, with just 7 more weeks before the big dive trip over Christmas, even if the ankle recovers, it's not advisable to subject it to strenuous activity so soon.
Now, I'm remembering finning against strong currents (plus my *heavy* fins work best flexing at the *ankles*), cold waters (possibly low 20s), struggling up boat ladders in choppy conditions and getting bumped around, catching myself on slippery boat surfaces, hauling heavy suitcases and tanks - over a 10-day stretch. Well, you get the picture. Nevermind if I unluckily sprain the ankle again on the first few days of diving and have to sit out the rest of the dives. I don't want to think about having problems underwater.
It's bye-bye Komodo. Sniff.
Laugh. That's a rather funny visual, actually. But I'm not so sure the un-Amazonian one, comparatively speaking (or maybe not), would be as appreciative of the humour in the situation. Heh. Heh.
Well, it was a comedy all right - a most witty mockery with an excellent cast.
Hell, yeah. Which was why "the crazy woman behind me kept laughing". Shrug. How ironical that a certain self-professed wit didn't think so. Ah well.
Okayyy. We'll see about that. I'll show you some appreciation....
Demanding, aren't we?
The mind doesn't need taking off of things. If nothing else, the mind needs sticking on to things. Heh.
The new creature (who, by the way, has been getting rave reviews even before a month has gone by) attended the same secondary school and college as me (albeit 6 years later). How curious is that.
Well, what do you know, there might actually be something in this manifesting business afterall. Time to visualise that third wonder worker!
Long night with The Drunken Masters, who are always (even more) funny to be around when they are relieved of their usual sense of propriety - not that they ever had much to begin with. Laugh.
The ankle's still swollen (always by the end of the day). "Don't walk" was his prescription :-/
Too many eyes as I ran off with The Saber just after midnight.
No bloody midnight marys - no more tomatoes, you see. The expresso martini was lovely though. And then Teochew porridge.
Three hours left to sleep and then another busy, busy worktoday.
As expected, my "ok lor" response simply wasn't good enough. And since I was too tired last night to register whatever you were trying to explain to me, you decided to CALL me today - again, as expected - to make sure that not only was I really, really OK, but more importantly, you needed me to be clear that you were never after me.
So I told you that yes, I appreciated your clarification and accepted your explanation that it was all a "misunderstanding" on my part.
"Wah, no need to be so formal, right?"
Yet, that's exactly what you wanted out of me, yes? So if you want me to look like the desperate older woman who 'misunderstood' your intentions just so you won't look bad to the others (in case I blabbed to the rest of The Club), OK LOR. Unlike you, I really don't care if the others think this of me, true or otherwise. Now, can we please get on with our lives? Nobody's getting younger, especially yours sincerely, and time's a-wasting here.
But what I'm NOT about to do is hang out again tonight (and you were trying really hard to get me to, weren't you) because I know you are going to corner me and extract every single thing you said and did that had led to this "misunderstanding" so that you can "clear the air" and make sure you "don't make the same mistakes again". And then of course, you will again tell me - this time with my 'new' understanding of all the things you did and said which I had earlier misconstrued - that you really, really are not interested in me "face-to-face". Well, how about I palm-to-face you?
It just fucking bothers you that I can't be brainwashed, doesn't it? Because that, to you, is the only way to ensure that the real story never gets out - by making me believe that it was all a figment of my imagination.
And it unsettles you that I'm not going to great lengths to avoid you, and that I can still look you right in the eye, again and again, doesn't it? It's.... intimidating, no?
So much for saying you do not wish things to become awkward and thus disrupt the dynamics of The Club - because that's exactly what you're doing now. In fact, I'm thinking that it might be better for me to stay away for a while afterall - except, why should it be ME? I've nothing to hide - and you know that, don't you? Frankly, you should be more concerned about what I think of you as a person NOW than whether I still question your agenda.
I've had quite enough, G. You need to stop this nonsense while I'm still really, really OK about the whole thing. And someone needs to stop sticking his furry paws in other people's business, if not have his jaw wired shut for good measure.
So much for catalysts. How about a lightsabre-for-hire?
But he did.
Because really, he's not so different from The Other - same same, and not so different afterall. It's about the need to look good; to be Someone; to project this persona; and wanting always to 'manage' the situation and people to that end; a need so overwhelming that it overrides everything else. Isn't it nice to know when someone is (or rather, people like him) consistent that way?
"You seem angry...."
I suppose, in response to his 'clarification', I could have laughed it off jovially and agreed with him that it was all a misunderstanding and then kept up the chatter for the rest of the drive home. I guess "ok lor", "it's good that you clarified things" and "oh, don't worry about it" in my sigh-do-we-really-need-to-do-this-now-voice didn't cut it. But truth be told, I couldn't be bothered to muster the emotional energy to be defensive or pissed - it had been a long day at work and I was wilting towards the end of a late night out.
Besides, I wasn't feeling particularly magnanimous tonight and was not about to 'catch on' and allow him the opportunity to further clarify the situation and really, really convince me that it really, really was all just harmless teasing. I guess someone who "belongs to a more, dare I say, intellectual bunch of people, so you wouldn't just be happy with any man off the street" (according to him, anyhow) doesn't have a high threshold for bullshit accordingly.
Or perhaps I know better now - and it's good enough that I know this.
And you know what, I'm beginning to like having a 4-day work-week - work 2 days, sleep in on Wednesdays (I do however, clear some email in the day or work late on Tuesdays), work another 2 days and what do you know, it's the weekend! I could like this, A LOT :-D
Even so, I expect I would have to forfeit the remaining 15 days or so by year-end. It's just impossible to clear all 27 days within 3 months. And I don't mind, really. Shrug. It's just leave, you know.
The Master has hinted he would make some special arrangements for me (and I suppose for the other two as well, who have even more unconsumed leave than I, including HR, laugh). My guess is he's probably going to give me an extension to clear the remaining leave. Or encashment? I wish. Heh.
But I think HR is not too happy about me clearing leave, and thinking I obviously have nothing better to do than stand around just waiting to catch falling eggs from her basket. SIGH! Which just means that because I'm busy catching her falling eggs, I end up not having enough time to clear my own work within a 4-day work week. Put another way, I'm ending up having to do MORE work within a shorter work week while HR seems to have problems juggling FEWER eggs in the same number of work hours. What gives?
This also means that I might just have to return to a 5-day work-week - so much for clearing leave. Which is probably what HR wants with all this passive-aggressive behaviour since she doesn't seem to want to clear her own leave, for whatever reasons - she has no life (well, I do); thinks she cannot clear her work (work faster lah, and delegate!); can't accept that productivity will dip a little in the interim (it's not like our work is that.... critical or life-changing). SIGH!!! Well, whatever.
Got out of the house for a while today. Picked up The Official Guide for GMAT Review, Deep Survivial: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why, Terry Pratchett's latest: Making Money, and placed an order for Diving into Darkness: A True Story of Death and Survival.
Now to find someone who won't fall asleep during the show to watch it with me :-/
But at least The Best BESTEST Friend has finally agreed to watch the "such ugly things!!!" (something about finding them scary since she was a child because they are "so ugly") with me :-D Yay!
I guess we have a pretty good mix of mostly single people in terms of gender, age, personalities, shapes and sizes. More importantly, everyone has spent enough time together, during trips and gatherings in-between (not always with the same grouping), for feelings to 'blossom' (as His Majesty so poetically put it) between willing / unwilling / clueless / acting-clueless / mutiple-surely-one-will-hit parties. The chessboard is abuzz, and not just one person is keeping an eye on his/her potential competitor(s).
The Powers That Be would be so proud of His Majesty's Club. And him being a foreign talent too. Laugh.
By the way, His Majesty's hands are in the cookie jar too. Smirk. And it seems like he is ready to let The Club know he has found his Goddess, what with the assortment of displays, both public and otherwise, and of course, marking his territory.
Heck, His Majesty has even asked that I give up my heretofore unquestioned sleeping spot next to The Goddess for the December trip. Sniff. So I now have to find myself another roomie - anyone but You Know Who (one too many times arriving at the accommodation to find that I would be rooming with someone I barely know so you'll'd understand the paranoia). I'll even take L, who is more likely to be the first to run screaming merry-go-around the boat (the mountains being an impossibility, given that it's a live-on-board) after the first night or two. Evil laugh.
"He's French, he's young, and he's funny."
The colleague didn't make the list because the organiser felt that he wasn't experienced enough and safety would be a concern. Righttt.
I guess inexperience would probably have been more warmly welcomed if SHE is French, SHE is young, and SHE is funny. Yes?
Evil, EVIL, girls.
Rightttt.... You mean like how secondary school kids at public libraries and fast food restaurants study - everything but their books???
Hmmm. Methinks someone had too much motivation from last Saturday. Time to start thinking about conjuring an imaginary boyfriend, yes?
Pheromones, she says.
When you came in the air went out.
I'm the kind to sit up in his room.
When you came in the air went out.
I don't know what you've done to me,
So The Best Friend was on her own (but that's when she's the deadliest), and she did a really, REALLY, bad thing.
Someone is now walking around with several skilfully implanted sharp things in his side. Ouch. In the process, The Walker - unbeknownst to him - was elevated many notches. Laugh. And oh, come to think of it, he's got club access too.
Now, I don't remember ever having signed a membership application form, or agreed to terms and conditions stipulating what I say or do with the other "club members" during trips - much less when I am on my OWN TIME!
Yes, L bought me, and another female from The Club, dinner - a very nice dinner - and gave us a ride home. And over dinner, our unholy trinity gossiped and conspired - all in the name of fun, for me at least. Yes, it certainly looks like L's trying to enlist our help to pursue one of the females in The Club. And yes, maybe the two of us are on his list too. But while L is definitely not on MY or the other's list, I agreed to hang out on Tuesday night because I was bored, and I don't mind his company actually. And of course, I had my own agenda too (not a free meal or ride home though). Laugh.
As to "harrassing" the females in The Club, yes, L would often chat up the females during trips. But I didn't find that he was sleazy about it or inappropriate - like oh, say plastering various parts of his body against assorted parts of another female body and rubbing his knee against hers under the table, that sort of thing. (Then again, it's not counted as harrassment since I LIKED it - after the initial bewilderment, that is. Laugh).
But I would say this: that L, in trying to make an impression on the females, for instance, in the eagerness to "help" (to his advantage) with logistics of the trip, has certainly stepped on some toes - mostly He Who Owns the Club. Snicker.
Anyway, the fact is, this is a social club - not boot camp. You can't just dictate the group dynamics. Everyone's coming in with their own agendas, albeit there being a common interest that bonds the group. Besides, the group is made up of mostly decent people. Champion your personal agenda by all means, but get off that moral high horse first and ditch that holier-than-thou attitude.
Still, I guess since this is The Emperor's Club, I'll grant that he gets to put down some "ground rules" - as long as he doesn't step on MY hooves. Besides, to my credit, I've been very cooperative; I go along quietly with what the rest want; I don't complain; and I haven't given him any of the shit the other princesses do.
Fortunately for His Majesty, I do think he has a good club going, and I'm actually quite fond of him (as a friend! a FRIEND! looks out warily from hole in the wall for flying axes and vengeful fireballs). So I'll let this pass, in a while.
I don't know how a party of 3 became 3+8 which showed up at the bar to meet The Walker (snicker), who was rather overwhelmed, and the agenda (ha-ha) for the evening got hijacked by the sheer majority of +8. I guess it was just one of those things. Shrug.
In short, The Walker
Today, G comes around sniffing and digging about the stranger from last night. That was to be expected. Shrug.
That was, until G started to size up The Walker's car ("is that his red alfa? nice ride") and to ascertain whether he owned the bar ("i'm sure he gets enough hot babes la, running a place like that"). And then came The Questions about my status.
Whoaaa, where are we going with all this exactly???
How quickly things have changed.... but no, I would not mess with the group dynamics. Wry laugh. Or rather, G is not worth the mess. I don't mean G per se, but rather the complicated group dynamics at present - someone in The Club is carrying a big torch (presently unrequited, but you never know....) for him, and I wouldn't want to mess with that just for a temporary ego trip.
But, hmmm. I wonder if I could borrow The Walker to use as a "catalyst" around future objects of interest.... Heh.
Is that really all it takes? That all a guy wants is to have his ego stroked by a female who hangs on to his every word and action, and who, because she (most probably) doesn't know any better, is less critical and hence easier to impress?
And I thought his ego would have been sufficiently stroked by the very fact that I want him....
Talking about ego stroking, I imagine my friend must be having some really mind-blowing sex STILL - because he still hasn't given me his bank details. Sheesh.
So I'm now awaiting the arrival of "a secret" at the office.
"Having sex now tell u tomolo."
What the fuck???!!!
Great. Now I have this image in my head of two men (my friend likes men, you see) having sex in a dark and steamy sauna somewhere in Chinatown.
Great. Just. Great.
And then I was bemused - that Mac Man could think that I was holding back the job offer because I (and The Other) felt "threatened" by the new blood. Well, I won't speak for The Other who most likely IS feeling "threatened" by the arrival of a second threat - after me (especially in the light of recent events and the latest boon). Heh.
I was just so busy the whole day that I didn't manage to settle down and make the call until evening. In fact, I had already decided the evening before who I wanted. And I told Mac that if indeed the Workhorse outshone me, so be it. But he misunderstood that I was being defeatist. I don't know if he heard the derision in my laugh or my clarification that what I had meant was that if the Workhorse was THAT good, I would happily acknowledge this.
In truth, I've been looking out for that extra spark in the potential new hires, as well as a right-hand who will support me (the way I
supported The Other - except she never got around to working that in her favour). I most certainly don't want to spend the bulk of
And I do think of the team as extensions of myself. Everything they do right, and do well, is a credit to me (and every wrong to my discredit). I certainly have no wish to want them to be any lesser just so I can look better. I want them to shine and know that they are shining and that everyone is watching them shine. Moreover, some healthy competition would be good for everyone, including myself. It is now up to me to manage such a team and to manage it well, and prove that I deserve to be at the helm.